The Chance to Love and Be Loved Exists No Matter Where You Are

Posts tagged ‘moving’

When Holy Spirit Moves

I have blogged about my experiences lately with watching other’s worship and how much it has moved me and inspired me to step further out of my comfort zone and into my free praise of our amazing Father. I have been at conventions and other churches that are doing worship the way I feel is the right way for me. They go up front during the music and they sway or jump or dance around. I’ve witnessed worship like I never had before, at these conventions and churches I’ve visited. After I became comfortable with it and began to understand it, I started to crave that freedom myself! I’ve heard others say that when they aren’t finding what they needed in their own church, they left, seeking it somewhere else. I couldn’t imagine leaving my church! These people are more than just bodies standing next to or around me as I worship and learn more about God. These people are more than just friends that I enjoy seeing! They are my family! Not family that I chose for myself, but family that my Father, Abba chose for me! So, I couldn’t just leave and tell them that they are not enough for me! Besides, in loving them, I want what is best for them, too. I want them to experience the freedom that I have found, the love that I have come to know. I want them to be totally consumed with Holy Spirit, to the point that they are not afraid to become “fools for Christ!” (1 Corinthians 4:10)

I had a vision about 6 months ago where I met Jesus, and in our conversation, He told me that I am never to be ashamed of how I worship. EVER! He also told me that there is absolutely NO WRONG WAY to worship, and that no way of worshiping is valued more than any other. If you are worshiping from the heart, and being obedient to how you are being told to worship by Abba, then you are doing everything correctly! If you’re way of worshiping is to just sit there and bask in His presence, or to kneel on the ground, face down, or, like me, to dance and jump with joy, you are doing it right! No one has the right to tell you that if you are still, you aren’t worshiping! Your worship is between you and Abba ONLY! And once you are actually worshiping in earnest, the devil will definitely attack you with your own thoughts. Since my way of worship is so out loud and boisterous, I am constantly afraid that people will think that I am seeking attention for myself, that I am looking for the spotlight. The only spotlight I am seeking is one that comes from my Father. I worship for an audience of One! If you see me and it inspires you to step out of your comfort zone and worship with me, that’s awesome! But my worship isn’t for you. I welcome any and everyone to worship with me, and, in fact, it makes my worship even more enjoyable!

So, with all of that being said, I have been praying for the change in my church that I need so badly. I have been trying to be obedient to God and have been walking down front to dance when I feel He is calling me to. Sometimes a few of my friends will join me, and sometimes, I’m all lone, worrying if others think I’m dancing there, screaming for them to look at me! (That’s the devil talking to me!)

Last week, I was all alone again. I enjoyed my time with Abba, but felt defeated. I felt like it really wasn’t going to ever happen and that I would continue to worship alone up front. I was asking God, do I stop? Do I give up? What would You have me to do? It isn’t working! Could I possibly be the only one who is moved to dance during worship?! I mean, I have my girlfriends, and they dance with me at our seats, and every once in a while they go up front with me, and I love all of that! But I need more! Then, at a class this week, I was inspired through a prophetic word from a friend to try once more. And another friend and I spoke at a lady’s gathering we had at church. Both of us spoke about worshiping down front and how we wished others would join us. Then came Sunday. The music was intoxicating and I was so moved, that I don’t think I could have stayed in my seat if I had wanted to! I walked down front and when I got to my place, I turned around and there were 7 ladies who had joined me! 7!!!! My lucky number and one of God’s favorite numbers! I felt blessed beyond measure! I felt like God had heard my cries and had answered them by inspiring others! I began to cry and I couldn’t contain myself! I wanted to celebrate the love that my Father had shown me! I wanted to scream with joy! As each song played, I could feel Holy Spirit wrap Himself around me closer and tighter, and I just gave myself to Him! I was so overjoyed! Then, the last song came on, and part of the words were, “Yes, Lord, Yes, Lord, Yes, Yes, Lord!” I changed the words to, “More, Lord! More, Lord! More, More Lord!!!” I became overcome with His presence. I was told to get on my knees to worship, so I did. I cried even more and my joy overflowed, and I began to laugh uncontrollably, to the point that I couldn’t stop. It felt so good in that moment (even if it was a little awkward that I was the only one laughing). Then, a friend came to pray for me, and as she touched my shoulder, she fell into fits of laughter, too. What an amazing moment that was! I’d witnessed what they call “Laughing in Spirit,” but I hadn’t really experienced it to that extent. It was overwhelming and uncontrollable. It was a beautiful moment!

Now, I know that my dream of worshiping up front with my brothers and sisters in Christ WILL come true! The flood gates have opened! I just pray that the devil doesn’t stop anyone from joining me. He can be pretty tricky and very powerful, but my God is BIGGER and even more POWERFUL! Thank you, Abba, for loving me the way that you do! And to everyone else, never stop worshiping, in whatever way that is for you!

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Adventure Awaits

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So, it’s been a long time since I blogged, and with good reason! My family has recently picked up and moved to another country… as in Tortola in the British Virgin Islands! If you’ve read any of my previous blogs, you’ll know that I was having a pretty tough time letting go of all of my belongings and trying to decide what to take and what to leave behind. It got even harder when my Hubbs called one night and said, “Instead of shipping a bunch of boxes over here, why don’t you just see what you can fit into your suitcases and we’ll replace what we really need.” At first I thought that was a great idea! Then, I realized I had to go back through all of my things that I had set aside under the “SHIP” sign. It didn’t look like a mountain before, but looking back at it again, it gave Mt. Kilimanjaro a run for her money! In the end, with the help of my wonderful mother, I was able to get the essentials into 4 suitcases and 4 carry-ons, with the promise that a few extra items would be shipped down for me in a week or two. And then, after a few parties and well wishes from loved one,we were on our way to our new adventure!

Three planes and one water ferry later (and more than a few hours late), we arrived in our new home! It was dark when we landed, so we couldn’t see much, except the stars! There were billions of them! There were so many stars that it was impossible to find the familiar constellations that I always looked for back home! It was as if God had been sprinkling the skies with stars that He had in a jar and He must have tripped and got them everywhere!!! They were exceptional!

My Hubbs awaited us just beyond the customs booth. We tiredly fell into his waiting arms and he asked if we were hungry and if we wanted to go to his restaurant and eat. We were both exhausted and famished. We’d had no time to get anything to eat during our travels, as we ran (literally) from plane to plane. Luckily, the restaurant was just across the street, so we didn’t have far to go. We loaded our luggage into a closet and headed for our table. The staff was very friendly and they all came up to introduce themselves. My Hubb’s bosses (a lovely married couple) came and chatted with us a bit. The more I spoke to them, the more I saw what my husband had seen on his first trip. They were very kind and hospitable. They were warm and welcoming and seemed honestly interested in my daughter and me. I saw that my husband was definitely in good hands there.

After a delicious meal of grouper and fries, followed by chocolate gelato, we sat on a nearby couch to wait for the Hubbs to finish his shift. Our daughter ended up falling asleep in my lap and I patiently waited, as I listened to my fellow patrons enjoying their meals and fought with Mr. Sandman to keep myself awake. It was a good thing our daughter had taken a nap, because her daddy had gotten her a Christmas gift that would not wait until morning!

We took a taxi up a mountain to our house, and as we approached the driveway, my Hubbs turns to me and says, “You’re gonna love this!” I look out the front window and it was as if the world just fell away, and the driver was still moving ahead! Our driveway was literally so steep that I couldn’t even see it before us for a few moments. It was actually terrifying, and my wonderful Hubbs thought it was the funniest thing in the world. If you ever need a good work out, come trek up and down my drive way a few times. That will work you out!

Once in the house, my Hubbs asks our daughter if she’s ready for her first gift. She tiredly rubs her eyes and nods her sleepy head. He opens the bathroom door and out bounds this tiny, adorable dog! Marley is her name. Our daughter squeals and, of course, is instantly wide awake! It took an hour or more to get her to sleep after that.

The next morning, I woke before anyone else in the house, which is typical. Can’t I ever just sleep in?! I guess it’s just not in the cards for me. I’m a doer, not a sleeper, I suppose. I went out onto the porch and got the first views of our new surroundings. We’re up so high on the mountain, you can see forever! The water is a brilliant turquoise blue, and there are all kinds of ships out on the water: cruise ships, pirate ships, catamarans, and smaller, personal boats. We’d traded in parking lots for boat docks. The air was fresh and the breeze was wonderful! The lush green foliage blended so beautifully to make a picture perfect scene. It looked like something out of a travel magazine.

My husband took us to a beach that day and we washed away the chill of the 11 degree weather we’d run from. We swam in the clear, blue waters and basked in the sun as we hunted for shells on the beach. I had left the house that morning with snow white skin, and returned that afternoon with red lobster skin. It was a small price to pay for the wonderful memories we had made that day.

I still have my worries and it’s still all so new and different. I’m still missing my life back in Cincinnati, but this new life is so promising! There are so many new things to explore, people to meet, places to go, wildlife that we haven’t seen. It’s an adventure for sure, and one that I am finally ready to take on! I have so much more that I want to tell you, but for now, I think I’ve made you jealous enough. Until next time….

 

Life is Hard Sometimes

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Having a rough day today. Having to go through everything in your house and decide if it is important or not is hard. It’s like being forced to take a look back at your life and being asked if this memory is important enough to hold on to. The sentimental side of me keeps saying, “YES! YES! Hang on to that!” But the practical side says, “Come on, how many times in the past year have you actually picked that up or even thought about it?” It’s so hard to categorize everything in this house and let go of things. I keep getting choked up over pictures that my Youngling has made for us or a card from a friend or even my Hubbs. I spend minutes with that card in my hand hanging over the garbage can, and then the KEEP pile, and then back to the garbage. I throw it away only to come back for it minutes later, deciding that I can’t let it go. And then laughing at my silliness, I let it go, only to wonder if that was the right decision. This is probably the toughest move I have ever made, and my partner in crime isn’t even here to help me through it. That’s even harder.

For the most part, I’m ok with that. I don’t like it, but I don’t let it get me down. Most days I can smile and laugh and go about my day just fine. But days like today, on this windy, rainy,  gray day, all I want to do is cuddle up next to him and have him hold me and tell me it will all be ok, even though I already know that. I know that my life in the Caribbean is going to be amazing! I know that I have a fabulous adventure ahead of me, that, if given the chance, I wouldn’t pass up. I know that we are going to experience some pretty spectacular things that some people only dream about. I know how lucky I am. But in this moment, that doesn’t make it any easier.

I feel like there is so much left to do here in Cincinnati. There are so many things that I wanted to do. I wanted my baby girl to grow up in the same school until she graduated. Have the same friends all through school that she kept in contact with for her whole life, like mine and my Hubb’s friends. I wanted to grow old in this house. I wanted to grow old with my girlfriends and have those silly memories of when “Sally” got locked out of her house and I had to come rescue her, or whatever. Join knitting clubs, and sewing clubs, or reading clubs with my girlfriends. I wanted to be in the lives of my nieces and nephews, so I wasn’t just a sometimes Aunt. I wanted to be the favorite. There is so much that I wanted.

And I am fully aware that I can still have these things in the next place I go to. It’s just that I thought I was living in that place now. I have come to terms with the fact that, being married to a talented, ambitious chef, I am pretty much signing my life over to him to do with as he pleases… in a manner of speaking. It’s like being an Army wife. He goes where the duty calls. We could choose to stay here in Cincinnati, but then his career might become stagnant. And his happiness might dwindle, and then what kind of life is that for us?!

Anyway, my point is, I’m just having one of those sentimental, emotional, cry-baby kind of bad days. Can’t wait to get past it so I can be happy again. But then again, there might be more of these in my future! Oh brother!