As I’m sure you have noticed, my blog is called Super Mom Lives Elsewhere. That was my corny way of saying, “I’m not perfect!” I have been pondering this post for a few weeks now, but when I begin to write, I get lost in it and sometimes it takes me hours to get it right and get it “finished.” That’s hard on my family somehow, to allow me that time. As I’m sure most mothers have come to find, when you are free and available, no one needs you. The moment the phone rings, you run into a treasured friend or you decide to take a moment for yourself, everyone in your house needs something from you! So, it is with simple bliss that I am able to write this blog today!
So, what has been on my mind, you ask? Well… ME! In a manner of speaking, anyway. Let me begin about a month ago. I went to a SOZO prayer meeting. For those of you who do not know what that is, let me explain it to you. If you are not a Christian, or if you have never heard of SOZO, this may seem a bit loony to you, but please bare with me. SOZO is a prayer that someone else leads on your behalf. In my experience, I went into a room with 3 other ladies, one of whom was in charge and lead the prayer. The other two ladies added to the experience or prayed on their own. During this prayer, you are lead into a deeper relationship with God, and through it, you are helped to break spiritual bonds that keep you from becoming closer with Him. It’s an amazing experience, but to tell you the truth, at first, it scared me to death! It was as if I thought that I could keep my dirty little secrets in the closet, and God wouldn’t find out about them. I thought that He would shine some super natural flashlight on all my dirty little deeds, and it would be like one of those spy movies, where the evil spy was tied up in a chair and the guy questioning him would have this ultra bright light shining in the spy’s face, asking him, “Why did you do what you did?!” But it wasn’t like that at all! It was very loving, and comfortable. True, I was embarrassed at admitting some things, but I was able to express them and let them go.
When you go through this prayer, they ask you to be open minded and to talk about the things that are brought to mind. Then, they go through a list of things that might be chains to you, and then say a prayer of release for each. At the end of this prayer, there is a part where you say something along the lines of, “God, I release this to you, and ask what do you have in return for me?” After one of those times saying the words, I felt God tell me, “You are perfect.” PERFECT ?! I thought.What?! No way! Not me! I am so far from perfect. I thanked Him for those kind words, and, yes, I actually did break down and cry little. For God to tell ME that I am perfect, well, that just didn’t sound right to me. But who am I to doubt Him?
We all have those things about ourselves that we see when we look in the mirror. I know I do. The things that probably only I notice about myself. The tummy that’s just a bit too round. The bottom with just a bit more “junk” than I’d prefer. The smile lines after too many years of laughter. But there are also those things that I know are on the inside, the things that really make me imperfect. The inability to get anywhere on time for a majority of my existence. The forgetfulness. The judgy part of me that no one sees or hears. There are so many things that I feel are wrong with me. Its as if I am my own worst enemy! As if my reflection could crawl out of that mirror and point directly at my imperfections and announce them to the world! Totally horrifying!
I see all these imperfections, and I know that they are there. I’M NOT PERFECT!!! If God can see everything, how does He not see those as well? Did we get something wrong, and maybe God does have blind spots? Is He like us humans, when we look at our children? Like the mom who refuses to believe that her perfect little Johnny would punch another kid at school.Or that sweet little Susie would snatch an extra cupcake at her friend’s birthday party while no one was looking. I just can’t accept that! So, how does God think that I am perfect? I struggled with this one hard.
Then, the following Sunday, I went to church, still pondering this. As I was dancing by my seat, worshiping (this is when God talks to me the most), He spoke to me again.
“Angie,” He said, “Do you think I make mistakes?” Of course not! YOU are the one that’s perfect, not me!
“Do you think I make anything halfheartedly? That I ever make something and then say, ‘Good enough!’?” No, that doesn’t sound like something you would do.
“Then, if I only make things perfectly, if I make them to the point that they are exactly how I want them, and since I made you, doesn’t that make you perfect?” MIND BLOWN! Wow! So, I really am perfect! I really am exactly how God wanted me to be, with all of my quirks and weirdness, all of my flaws and my mistakes, EVERYTHING! He made me this way! But why? Why did I have to be this way? Why can’t I remember things? Why am I continually late? The answer became obvious to me. If I was perfect, I wouldn’t need Him. If I was perfect, I wouldn’t lean on Him. If I was perfect, I wouldn’t need anyone. I wouldn’t be a lesson for anyone else, and no one would have anything that they could teach me. I wouldn’t have all those wonderful, deep conversations with my friends that I feel expand my understanding of the world around me, and my understanding of God and spirituality. There are so many reasons that I see now for my imperfections, and now, instead of hating them, I embrace them! Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t love them, and they still get on my nerves, but they don’t get under my skin like before. And I thank God for them. I thank God for another reason to lean on Him, another reason to start a conversation with Him. My imperfections are beautiful.
You are absolutely beautiful, my darling, with no imperfection in you.
~Song of Solomon 4:7
So, God sees me as perfect. I’m still reeling over this. All my life, I’ve struggled with my imperfections. I wanted to be like someone else, whom I saw as being way better than me. I’ve driven to be just as good at something as the person I put on a pedestal. I’ve never looked at myself and thought, “Wow! I’m perfect!” And while I still don’t see myself as perfect, and my self esteem still isn’t the greatest, I know that God sees me that way. I continually pray that God will help me to see myself the way that He does. I want to look at myself adoringly and have mercy on myself when I make mistakes. I don’t want to be angry at myself anymore when I fall short of my own expectations. I am perfectly created!
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
~ Ephesians 2:10
I also realized that if I am so focused on my flaws, I can’t see the good things that God instilled in me to help others with. There are so many there, too. Like my ability to be so outgoing, my huge heart that is able to love any and everyone, regardless of who they are, where they come from, or what they have done in their past. My inability to stay mad at anyone, because I am such a person of joy, that it is actually a struggle for me to get angry! And there are so many other things that I never thought about, simply because I was so focused on what I couldn’t do or what I was messing up.
I think we are all like that. So, if you put your imperfections aside, what is it about you that makes you so awesome? What did God put inside you that can help others? That other people might be able to learn from you? I bet, if you asked God to reveal them to you, He’d give you a huge list that would rival any list you could make of your flaws!